Somtin Fishy

April 1, 2009 by · Leave a Comment 

Sometin Smells FishyDear Tony,

While standing on the tee box, I noticed that my arch enemy Lou Cabrazzi was placing his left foot against the tee marker, which was a large block of wood. Almost like da piece of metal that kept the door open at da Luftunsia Air Freight office at JFK airport in New York.

Lou did this on each tee box to help stabilize his stance, dis didn’t seem legal ta me, so I called him on it. Lou said in some ancient Sicilian accent dat dere ain’t nothin in da Rule Book saying he couldn’t do dat.

Is he correct?

Pauly Walnuts

Dear Pauly,

Believe it or not, there is nothing in da Rules of Golf dat prohibits a person of Mr. Cabrazzi’s stature as described. As long as Louie did not cause the tee marker to move while taking his stance. If he did cause da wood to move den he wood incur a two stroke penalty unda Rule 13-2.

Oh by da way, that piece of metal holding open the door at the JFK facility turned out to be a sixteen pound gold bullion that was stolen from Luftunsia back in 1977 in the Great Luftunsia Heist and is worth about two hundred fiddy thousand dollars in today’s money.

And dey said dat Tony don’t know no mat.


Plugs not Thugs

April 1, 2009 by · Leave a Comment 

Dear Tony,
As me and my business associates was playing da ninth hole at Augusta National, I noticed an old cup hole in my line or path.

Da f$#&*@ groundskeeper hadn’t pushed da plug down into da hole and da plug coulda popped my ball off line. I moved my ball over to da nearest clear spot nearest to the spot of da plug.

Was dis da right move?

Anally Retentive

Dear Anal,

Rule 16-1c/3 lets yous raise or lower da plug to level it wit da level of da surface. Da alternative would be to get da course official to do it since you musta paid a lot of scaroll to play in Augusta.

Da decision also entitles you to relief unda Rule 25-1b(iii). “Not relief yourself or da cource” which states you can lift and place your ball without any penalty to da nearest point of relief not in a hazard or not any nearer to da hole.

Gots dat?

Golfin’ with Fun Guy

February 24, 2009 by · Leave a Comment 

I don't deal in no mushroomsDear Tony,

On a recent round I found my ball resting up against the stem of a large mushroom. I didn’t know what to do.

When I addressed the my ball, I discovered that I couldn’t see it because it was hidden under the mushroom cap. I didn’t know if I would be able to remove the mushroom without a penalty or take a free drop cause I couldn’t see the ball.

Outside of eating the mushroom, what was the best thing to do?

Mario in the Sky with Diamonds

Dear Mario in da Sky,

Let’s just say in a situation like dat, you are up Sheetz Creek, and you ain’t holdin’ no paddle, my friend.

According to Rule 12-1 you are not entitled to see your ball when making a stroke. No entitlements (unless you’re Tony S). Since the funghi was fixed and growing it wasn’t a loose impediment, like a dead body on the course. Therefore you can’t move it.

Either play the ball or take two strokes, one for you and one for the penalty.

Don’t Tees Me

February 24, 2009 by · Leave a Comment 

Go Ahead, Pick Up Dat TeeDear Tony,

The other day as I walked up to the 9th hole, I noticed a player before me had left a performance tee on the ground.

I recognized it and knew it was legal, so I decided to leave it right where it was and tee my ball on it.

My friend said that what I was doing was illegal because technically I was using another player’s equipment.

Tony, was I right or what?

Tee’d Off in Acworth

Hey, Tee’d Off in Acwert,

Da main rule in golf, like in life, states you never, ever touch another man’s club or his woman. But your question is his tee, so let’s get to that.

Rule 4-4a prohibits a player from borrowing clubs from another on the course. However, rule 5-1-5 allows a player to borrow things like balls, towells, gloves and tees.

As long as the tee is as legal as my chop shop, you were right to use it.

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