May 4, 2009 by  

Dear T,

I play in the Pacific Northwest and live under the Ferderal Witness Protection Program and it gets pretty cold up here.

A friend in my group hit his drive, which appears ta go out of bounds. He declared a provisional and since I was next ta his golf bag he requested me ta get him another ball for him.

As I reached into his golf bag I feels a large cold item that resembles a 44 caliber revolver. More importantly, next ta dat I noticed he was using a hand warmer ta keep his golf balls warm. I heard that warm balls fly farther. From experience, I know they look bigger when warm.

Anyway, I didn’t whack em with my gun, or a penalty stroke, but should I have?

Vinny Gumbots


Dear Vinny,

Unda Rule (14-3/13.5) if yous are using a ball dat has been purposely warmed during a round with a artificial device yous guys are automatically disqualified. Howeva you can artificially warm your balls prior to da round. is a great place for dat.

Me personally, I would have shot the prick in da knee for cheating.


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