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Mr. Manners

May 4, 2009 by  

Somebody Needs to Whack These TwoDear Tony,

I tees up and addresses my ball, den I steps back to take a practice swing when I digs up an enormous divot that sent friggen mud, blood and dirt flyin’ everywhere. Some of da bloody mud stuck to the back of my ball and I proceeded to clean it. I don’t won’t no authorities checkin my balls for dna, you know what I mean?

My buddy Mon Mullins said I don’t got no right to do dat because I had already addressed my ball and therefore it was in play. What do you dink T, am I right for cleanin it or what?

Anthony Antiposto

Dear Mr. Antiposto,

Hot or cold I don’t know. While your ball may not be clean, your conscience should be.

Your friend Moony was trying to talk ya into another stroke. Da rules say you can clean your ball, lick your ball, stick that ball up your bung or whatever… all because you didn’t take a stroke yet.

If you’da taken a stroke or whiffed like my friend Joey “Stuggats” Mantineo ya woulda incurred a one stroke penality for lifting and cleaning dat ball. To be clear, dat’s da ball on the ground, not the ones hangin in youse pants. Dat means you’d have ta wait to clean da ball until you was proceeding unda Rule( 24-2 ) which allows a lift and clean to da ball when you’re on da green.

-T

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